First posted 01 April 2007
The first rush of exploration\conquest.
The results from the first three rounds of the campoon campaign.
Results : Round 1
T8 : Forests Undead (500pts - Martin)
The tree hugging undead got off to a good start when there archers managed to put in a devastating volley into the Markdom scouts. The Markdom cavalry became restricted to action in the open glades, which caused no end of grief when the zombies managed to pop out of the woods to flank attack the Cataphracts.
Deciding that his horses would get spooked if they turned towards the flesh eaters they resolutely remained facing towards the hill that was acting as the focal point of the undead defense, charging towards it whenever they could break free.
These attacks were finally enough to grind the undead back into the dirt where they came from, but not until after a hard struggle. The Tomb King eventually got bored and crept back to his crypt for another 1000 year sleep.
The success of the final push leading to one unit of the Catas to go round bragging about how mighty they were.
Phil the Benign
L1 : Mountains - Orcs (500pts - Matt)
Initially started with a bout of sparring on Phil's right flank between his cavalry and archers and the Orcish joyriders in their 'Chaviots'. Slowly his legions converged with the orcish hordes, with Phil bringing up his cavalry reserves to push through the centre. By now the joyriders, fed up of cruising the strip, had managed to circle around the back of the legions and threaten to start a fight, but too late as the Orc lines finally broke.
F5 : Wastes - Nomads (500pts - ???)
The armies of the West march relentless onwards as the Nomadic Nuns charged over the barren hills into oblivion.
His troops hailed their leader Jimbo as a mighty Warrior King but he turned the accolade and deemed that his troops were the true vanquishers.
After persuading the Orcs to settle things peacefully with 'an honest game of chance!' Tel decided to leave the Orcs in their pits so long as they agreed to deal with any Dwarf infestations that might appear.
Results : Round 2
B2 : Fort - Civilised (750pts Romans - Phil)
The Battle of Fort Hard
Scant reports arrived from the survivors of the disaster that befell the army of the Slackbladderian Empire. 'We hit a brick wall' General Stu said but no one is sure if he meant the wall of the fort or the shieldwall of the opposing legionaries.
J11 : Farms Civilised 'Sassenachs' (500pts Sassanid - Matt)
Tels Light Cavalry Brigade went charging off into the distance, as is the tradition, with half of his Heavy nearly doing likewise in an attempt to hunt down the opposing mounted archers who fled the field after a brief exchange. The majority of the Sassenach Cavalry proceeded to advance across the field of Battle to crash into the infantry in the centre. The foot soldiers briefly held before braking and fleeing, only to reveal a large force of cataphacts just waiting to charge something, which they promptly did. This resulted in a large multiple pileup with horses stacked on horses.
The opposing Infantry meekly crawled forward being attacked by suicide squads on the way. Finally the Sasanachs cavalry broke just as the infantry reached the charge range of the remaining cataphracts. Eventually they gave up the fight mumbling something about 'should of built a wall'.
After the battle some old biddy came up to Tel and started gibbering about Portents.
P9 : Waste - Barbarians (500pts - ???)
No reports on this battle appear to exist, which is not surprising as both sides are illiterate. Apparently the forces/smell of the Nurgle overcame the barbarians.
Found written on some toilet paper... (so obviously not of nurgle origin)
"We have it on very good authority, that the Nurgle was not actually present and was in fact undergoing emergency belly button fluff removal at the 'Temple of the Ladies of the Night'. The victorious rabble was led by Dampnee the pole-dancing dwarf."
This vicious rumour needs to be scotched immediately! The person at the lint farm was, in fact, Squidgy Muckraker, head of NI6 (Nurgles Information gatherers, 6) and one of the Nurgles elite squad of suicide doubles. Incredible as it may seem, it was indeed the Nurgles startling tactical abilities that won the day, Dampknee having lead the skirmishers and fanatics onto an extinct volcano but then failing to move any further. He instead collapsed into a religious frenzy, calling on the fire mountain to immediately "waken again and cleanse impure Campoon of sinful men", a call that was met with enthusiasm by the fanatics but didn't win him any friends amongst the skirmishers.
The Nurgle himself is reported to be 'very shaken' at the events at the battle, and has retired to his private brain-care room, where he has so far rolled a d6 eight thousand and forty-nine times and is carefully having the results recorded to see if his luck really has changed."
J7 : Town - Civilised (500pts - Tristan?)
The vast horde of Huns tried to swarm across the land in a giant tide, but sort of ended up dribbling across instead.
Greatly outnumbered the forces of Civilisation pushed into the centre of the Hunnish infantry causing the rump to retreat and scatter, but enough of the warbands held, and as the Hunnish cavalry on the left flank crashed into the legions side all resistance evaporated.
Upon the right a large force of hun cavalry hid behind the trees, waiting in ambush, ready to pounch on anyone coming near them, which no did, not even their own leaders, and without anyone to give them orders they settled down and had a nice cup of tea, as the units that actually fought started proclaiming Ged as the great Overlord.
Phil the Benign
L3 : Pasture - Nomads (750pts - Stu)
This negotiation ended tragically when Phil burst out into hysterical laughter as the Khans wife entered the feasting tent. An attempted explanation that he was in fact laughing at the newly received message of the Slackbladderian defeat didn't cut the mustard with the Khan, who sent Phil and his forces packing from the land. Any return is bound to lead to hostilities.
S9 : Fort - Elves (750pts - ???)
The elves were successfully coerced to hand over the keys to the fortress, along with the rest of this territory, with the help of some poisoned wine and the promise not to kill the rest of them.
Results : Round 3
Q10 : Town
The Nurgle struck North East from his lair in the flesh pots of Nurgle City and caught the town of Pleasantville unprepared. Before the unfortunate inhabitants could evacuate they were subsumed into the Nurgles' ever expanding domain and the town renamed Nurgles' Bottom in memory of one of the Nurgles' favourite goat.
D10 : Event :- Famine - loses D9
Meanwhile, the Nurgles devious deviants had been sent about to cause unrest amongst his neighbours, both El-Telshire and Murky Markdom suffering rumblings of discontent from religious zealots who looked vaguely goat like and smelling of hamsters.
K12 : Event :- Religious Uprising (damn nurgle heretics)
'Good News! The Nurgles, once they stop wriggling, burn quite nicely with a bluey-green flame.'
R9 : Event :- Religious Uprising
L4 : Mine - 750pt Civilised
Elsewhere, Tris found the fabled Treacle Mines, but had a struggle convincing the defenders that he was serious about wanting them for his own. Eventually defeating the Romanesque crowd by two falls and a knockout.
A1 : River Crossing - 500pts Civilised
King Stuart Slackbladder, having been repulsed by the Nasssty Elves turned his army North East and found a river, which was also nice.
Q2 : Pasture - 500pts Orcs
In the far North East loud creakings and clankings announced the arrival of the Vincible Overlord of the Empire of the Armoured Codpiece. Cruelly attacking a colony of itinerant Orcses, the Overlord added some nice pastureland to his growing fiefdom.
Phil the Benign
K3 : Port - 500pts Elves
Phil's scouts stumbled on a big wet looking expanse, which they have decided to call a lake, wandering along the western shore they stumbled on a port. Which was nice.
Everyone else quietly got on with expanding their empires, Patrician Jimbo becoming the proud owner of a forest and Ged found some mountains quite by chance.
I8 : Mountains - 750pts Orcs
G3 : Forest - Undefended